


Fraycation

by DarkwingSnark, Moonbeamcat



Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon)
Genre: Multi, Romantic Comedy, Vacation, cartoon violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:04:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7481664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkwingSnark/pseuds/DarkwingSnark, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonbeamcat/pseuds/Moonbeamcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winter weather is just as much of a hinderance on the villainous element, as it is for your average citizen. With the cold nipping on nose and toes, two criminal couples find themselves looking for rest in Hawaii. Now if only they'd get a chance to do just that...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fraycation

Winters in Saint Canard- a literal cool down period for the criminal element of the city. While hard to believe, even the more deplorable of denizens had their limits of what they would put up with, and it just usually wasn't worth the risk to go out unless absolutely necessary.

And in the case of one brain fried super villain, it didn't help that his spandex suit had the worst habit of magnifying whatever the surrounding temperatures were. Megavolt grumbled as he watched the snow fall outside his lighthouse window, before closing it. _Great_ , just what they needed, _more snow_. It's not like the city was SURROUNDED by water already, then the sky wanted to make it worse by covering frozen liquid all over the place too? Luckily for the rodent, however, he didn't have to worry about it TOO much. His electric bills were paid, his fridge and cupboards were stock full, and he had no reason nor desire to leave the warm and toasty confounds of his abode.

Megavolt was distracted from his own thoughts by the laughing from the other side of the room; lazily turning towards it, he raised a brow at the familiar face he saw spread out on his couch and watching television.

"Oh, oh MEGSY," Quackerjack shouted inbetween his guffaws, pointing wildly at the tv as his bowl of popcorn spilled treats out and about on the floor. He tried to collect himself as he continued. "You just GOT to see this! Oh, it's, _haha_ , it's just too much!"

Walking over towards his partner in crime, Megavolt scoffed at what he saw: just a channel of static, like it had been all morning.

"Eh, it's just another rerun." Though, for the life of him, Megavolt couldn't remember WHAT the plot had been about- he was just very sure that he HAD seen it before… probably.

It was Quackerjack's turn to scoff as he lost a lot of his jovial hype, sitting up as the other criminal plopped onto the sofa next to him.

"Gee, no need to be such a spoil sport about it. I know you're a bit charged and cooped up, but that's no reason to be a sour puss."

"I'm not a sour puss..." Megavolt whined, with a scowl. "I have good reason to be upset! I can't go anywhere without freezing my bulbs off out there! My battery doesn't even keep a charge in this weather! And worst of all..." His perturbed tone turned small and not unlike a pouting child. "My feet are cold."

The paddleball bouncing in front of his nose made it clear that Quackerjack had grown tired of his whining and wasn't listening at all. Megavolt glared at the duck, and swiped the toy away from him.

"Hey, I was using that!" Quackerjack barked.

"Oh, you were?" Megavolt's tone dripped with sarcasm. With one well-aimed zap, the wooden paddle was turned to black soot in Megavolt's hand. " _Whoops!_ "

Quackerjack gasped. "You monster!" And he pounced. They were still wrestling and slapping and bickering when a jarring ringing sound had Quackerjack frozen in place like a hunting dog who just caught whiff of its prey. Megavolt, pinned down under him, perked up as his mind tried its best to recognize what he was hearing. It was surprisingly quick how fast the mental connection was made, as both criminals cried out at the same time.

"THE PHONE!"

The clown criminal, being the quicker of the two, was instantly on it as he made a mad dash across the room where he so happened to know the phone to be: hanging alongside the wall. Excitedly, he bounded over Megavolt, nearly kneeing him in the side, as he shouted:

"Oh oh, I got it! I got it!"

Megavolt, rolling to his side as he aimed between the legs of the table, fired a bolt of electricity from his finger. The toymaker hollered in pain, grabbing onto his injured foot, as his partner jolted on by.

"No, _*I*_ got it!"

There it was, the phone still ringing and begging for its silence. Just a mere few more strides, and this childish game would be over with- and Megavolt the clear winner. Not that he knew WHY it was so important to him, but that didn't stop him from going for the goal.

Only for victory to be snatched from him as he slipped and slid, gravity used against him as he stumbled across the floor and slammed hard onto his backside. Megavolt cringed in pain, as Quackerjack, now looking down at him, laughed.

"So THAT'S where I put those- and here I thought I lost my marbles AGES ago!"

In Megavolt's opinion, that would have been the biggest understatement of a lifetime. Still hurting and momentarily stuck to the floor, the rodent glared as the crazed clown casually stepped over him, before whistling the remaining way and picking up and speaking into the device.

" _Helloooo_ ," he sang cheerfully, twirling the cord in his fingers. "This is Megavolt's secret _not so secret_ lair, Mrs. Megavolt speaking- how may I HELP you?"

Megavolt, doing his best to pick himself off the floor, groaned.

"Don't tell them that! Last time you cracked that joke, I started getting telemarketers tryin' t'sell me make up and quackerware!"

Megavolt expected a sarcastic reply, but he didn't get one. Quackerjack was busy listening to the caller, intently. The look on the jester's face scared him. Finally, Quackerjack turned to him, eyes large and glassy, holding a hand over the phone, and hissed,

" _It's Negaduck!_ "

Before Megavolt could question him further, his partner in crime spun around, hunched over the phone, muttering into it.

The fearful suspense was killing him. He was now standing as close to Quackerjack as he could without being detected, doing his best to hear the conversation. All he knew was it didn't sound good.

"Alright. Understood. ... Yes. Bye- b-"

Quackerjack hung up the phone, and turned back around (almost whacking Megavolt in the head with his bill as he did so). The rodent's heart and gut sank when he saw the forlorn jester standing before him. His expression was grave, and even his hat drooped like the ears of a puppy that had just been scolded for peeing on the rug.

"Uh, Quacky?" Megavolt began to ask, only for the demented duck to put up his hand to stop him. The mallard took in a deep breath, before gently placing both hands on either side of the rodent's shoulders- completely getting Megavolt's attention. Looking his fellow criminal deeply in the eyes, he began to deliver the news slowly.

"I'm so sorry, Megsy… But you're going to have to pack your bags, BECAUSE WE'RE GOING ON VACATION!"

The intense shift of emotions was enough to send Megavolt stumbling back, as Quackerjack bounced in place- giddy as a schoolgirl given unlimited access to daddy's credit cards. Megavolt glared as the toymaker started bounding around his lighthouse- grabbing things to take them to who knows where. Speaking of unanswered questions…

"Alright, _hold the phone_ , Negaduck wants us to do WHAT now?" The rodent scratched his head as Quackerjack suddenly threw a ratty old suitcase onto the villain's bed- having no idea where it even came from. As the toymaker started stuffing items inside it, Megavolt snatched the blender from his partner's hands before it could be shoved in with all the rest of the miscellaneous junk. He continued, grabbing the mad mallard's focus. "There's no way he called, giving away free tickets to Honolulu, Paris, or _wherever_!"

Quackerjack huffed, stopping what he was doing as he crossed his arms against his chest.

"Well, NO, what he REALLY said was ' _you knobs are gonna go and collect a little toy for me, blah blah blah, chainsaw threat._ '" All this was said in his best Negaduck imitation, his face scrunched up into the nastiest glare he could muster as he pretended to be whacking Megavolt with a chainsaw- who instinctively flinched back from it. Dropping the act, the cheshire grin was back as the crazed clown perked up once more. "But really, it doesn't take much to read inbetween the lines, ya know!"

Quackerjack went back to packing, despite most of the things being Megavolt's, considering they were in his lighthouse. The electrical villain was visibly less enthused about this trip. He plopped himself back down on the couch, head in his hands, in full pout mode.

"Why do we have to go play delivery boy for Negaduck? It's cold out there! Let me guess; we're not even being _paid_ for our hard work, are we?"

Quackerjack sprung over the back on the couch, landing beside his partner in crime, and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Megavolt, Megavolt, Megavolt... you're still not reading between the lines!" The mallard held up two fingers in front of Megavolt's face, and Megavolt squinted to try and find the hidden message.

"Quackerjack, I don't-"

Quackerjack grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him until they were face-to-face, their eyes mere inches apart. His grin was as unsettling as ever.

" _Vay-cay-shun!_ " The duck pronounced every syllable thick and slowly, as if he was making sure his bill was read just as much as heard. "Think about it, Megsy- aren't you tired of being cooped up in this place? I've only been here for a few days, and already I'm feeling three hops and a skip away from LOSING it!" Megavolt was about to say he didn't HAVE to be there, when Quackerjack cut him off. "C'mon, buddy, _pal_ \- don't think cold, think WARM! Warm beaches, cool fizzy drinks with little itty bitty umbrellas, getting to dress up and wear tacky Hawaiian shirts, as we terrorize the place in new ways!"

Quackerjack leaped around the couch to be behind his rodent playmate, where a lamp also happened to be. Tilting the shade against the wall, he put his hands together as he began to wiggle them in the light.

"That, and I hear island people like shadow puppetry, and I'm SURE I could come up with SOMETHING that'll knock their socks off! It'll be fun, fun, FUN!"

It took a minute before Megavolt's jaw dropped in realization.

"Whoa, hold on, Hawaii? Well, why didn't you say so! Heheheh! Warm weather, here we come! ... Uh, quick question, how are we supposed to get there?"

Megavolt didn't care HOW magical trench coats were, there was no way that two criminally insane super villains were going to get past airport security.

"Don't you worry your frizzy little head about that!" Quackerjack ruffled the small mop of hair on his head. _He hated that._ "I just so happen to have a little project I've been dying to make!"

The mad mallard pulled out a rolled up blueprint that was far too large to have reasonably fit in his pocket but somehow had anyway. He stretched it out on the table, and they both gazed down at it, grinning.

_Yes, that would do._

* * *

Meanwhile, over across the Audubon Bay Bridge and nestled inside the warm confounds of Duckburg's airport, a small troop were making their way down the corridors- so as not to be late for their flight. The head of the gang was a bulbous and large walrus, his attire and demeanor of high class. The man happy talked to the woman on his arm, as his three penguin henchmen carried their carry-on luggage behind them.

"Ah, almost there, my dear- and just in the knick of time, I'd say." Tuskernini quickly adjust his top hat, as their quick pace was knocking it about. The villain carried on, patting the arm of his companion comfortably. "I know you don't like being out and about during this time of the year, _my little star_ , but I promise the surprise I have in store for you is JUST what the doctor ordered to bring back your muse, _and mine_."

A pair of pale yellow, reptilian eyes glinted in the darkness cast by the hood she wore. Honestly, Tuskernini wasn't a big fan of this particular outfit; the ratty garbs may have concealed her well, and perhaps even kept her somewhat warm, but they made her look like an old woman living on the streets. Still, he wouldn't have to see them for much longer, so he had long given up his passive-aggressive remarks about it.

"Musse? Forget my mussse, I'm far more interesssted in bringing back the feeling in my extremitiesss."

Ah, this kind of weather always put her on edge, but being cold blooded, that was understandable. She couldn't get too warm, either. She truly was, and delightfully so, the making of a true perfectionist, an artist, an actress.

Tuskernini's mind momentarily wandered towards their first encounter, a small and genuine smile reaching his face. Being the performer that he was, it wasn't hard for the walrus to skate around many of the legalities he faced. While it was true he ended up in prison a time or two, he was mostly able to get placed on parole- usually through the court's experimental therapies. One time being through the adopt-a-con program, where he got housing with a local family just a bit outside the city.

It was through the supervillain group therapy courses, however, that he had spotted the beauty he was currently escorting. Tuskernini had a habit of spotting potential when he saw it, and my, were stars in his eyes when he came upon this particular vision. Being a villain, it was always important to know the who's who when it came to the criminal community, and having his penguin henchmen steal a newspaper every so often was hardly much of a challenge. He had recalled hearing about a young woman who had the gift of disguise, and used it to effortlessly break into places she oughtn't have been. He had originally scoffed at the paper- anybody with a decent enough disguise could get anywhere. There wasn't much art to it, when it came to the people of Saint Canard.

Why, he had even heard that the lowest of amateurs could break into as secure of a building as SHUSH with just a simple trench coat!

But no, Camille was different. Camille was truly talented, a star just waiting to be spotted and risen on a pedestal. When he had discovered that the woman's disguises were from her abilities to change her shape, becoming anybody and anyone at will- ah! He just knew she was the actress for his films that he always deserved!

Tuskernini was stolen from his musings by the sound of the airport's speaker system, causing him to perk up in delight.

" _Flight 901, now boarding. Flight 901 to Hawaii will be leaving in 15 minutes."_

"Ah, I'm afraid that's us, my sweets. That'll be our curtain call." The walrus let go of his partner in crime, so as to give her what room she needed. "I think it's time for a costume change, wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh, if I musst..." The reluctance was all an act, and they both knew it, but acting just came natural to an actress, and Tuskernini loved her all the more for it. It was obvious that neither of them would make it through airport security; Camille was supposed to be in prison, after all. But it wouldn't be Camille who walked through the gates at all.

Tuskernini smiled and nodded in approval, at the beautiful woman now standing before him; Nichole Kitten in every way but her eyes. It would certainly be enough to fool anyone around here, and perhaps best of all, she had finally shed that ghastly garb.

"Well?" She enquired. "How'sss thiss?"

Tuskernini looked up the cat-woman's body in approval- the strawberry blonde hair popping nicely against Camille's new white fur. The champagne colored dress with mink fur coat was just the ideal combination that spoke money and importance, and it made the walrus clap with pride and joy.

"Oooh, splendid! Perfection! My dear, I DO say you've been reading my director's notes after all!" While an amazing shapeshifter, Camille Chameleon had been terrible at the little details on what made a disguise sell. It had been something they have been working on, and now she was, indeed, red carpet ready.

Or is this case, runway ready. Tuskernini straightened himself up as he made his way through the crowd- Camille, Cecil and the boys following closely behind- as he pushed and shoved their way to the front.

"Excuse me, pardon us, high ranking celebrity coming through!" While people complained, they did just as they were told and before long the villains got to the flight attendant. The woman at the desk was a duck in blue uniform and skirt, and even through her trained customer service smile the walrus could spot just the hint of nervousness on her bill.

"Yes, may I help you, sir?"

Putting on a glare, it was time for the performance to begin.

"Is this what you call good customer service? We had ordered first class tickets to Hawaii for our next shoot, and I just looked at the slip and all I see is coach?!" Tuskernini snapped his fingers impatiently, as one of his penguin henchmen hand him the tickets. Slapping them onto the counter, he pointed to the slips of paper. "What does it say?"

"Um," the woman began, looking at where the man was pointing. "It does say coach, sir."

"EXACTLY! Coach! A class of the commoners! I DEMAND we speak to a manager IMMEDIATELY!"

The poor frightened woman at the counter flinched and nodded.

"Y-yes sir, wait one moment, please." She scrambled to find the phone on the desk, fumbling and almost dropping it when she grabbed it. She pushed a button and turned her back to them, as she muttered into the phone. Tuskernini smiled with satisfaction as he made out the words "Nichole Kitten" uttered.

Camille stood there and looked pretty. They had both agreed to let him do most of the talking, for obvious reasons. Although silent, she was able to appreciate Tuskernini's ability to command respect even without disguise.

The woman at the desk hung up the phone, smiled far too wide at the two, and apologized for the mixup. Of course, they would fix it right away, no charge.

"Mmm, yes. That's what we like to hear, THANK you." Turning away from the fooled flight receptionist, Tuskernini held out his arm once more for his star as he and his gang made their way towards the plane- the flight attendants opening the door towards the walkways so they could get to their first class seats. The walrus chuckled deeply as he leaned in to whisper to his love.

"And that's a wrap for that scene. You were marvelous, my dear, simply MARVELOUS."

If she hadn't been cold blooded, Camille may have blushed. While she didn't suffer from low self esteem by any means, she still wasn't used to people other than herself complimenting her.

"I'll admit, deceiving others is my ssspeciality..." she glanced back at the flight attendants. "but it certainly helpss when the others happen to be morons."

Tuskernini chuckled. "Right you are, my dear. Watch your step, now."

This vacation was going to be flawless. He could feel it.


End file.
